Only Regret

Love stories are made
love stories are said
love stories are told
but no one tells the truth
truth is that they do occur
truth is that they never end
they continue not for the story
but for the fire within

I too had a story
I too had something to continue
Its end never nearing
Its beginning never so close

I had an angel 
I was devil of my own
she was the good, the light, the spark
and it was the others who made her fall
they wanted her for sorrow
yet she never committed a crime
yet this devil had something divine

I was to her what she was to me
that was what never others was to us
I wanted her to glow her light
to show to the world that she was divine

but a devils instinct never dies
so i was to her, but never divine
I managed to get her a moment or so
bt what she wanted was timeless for so

I made her cry, I wanted her happy
the devil instincts fighting to try
never wanted against yet falling apart
but what i could do was drifting away
so I decided so as to say
to have the angel drifted away

What I hope now is not what matters
yet she came to me and I to her
for a reason that was far greater than us

I could never make up never give it my full
yet I wonder why this world gave up on her
I will fight, tonight and for every night
may be for her, may be for me
the reason is not yet clear to me
but what is clear, is what I can explain

you made her feel, what she never should have felt
I made her feel the same, bt I was supposed to be such

I loved her and it is why you wont die in peace
bit by bit I destroy the world and I destroy thee
she is the angel and she is what is supposed to be
dream of your life, all in front of you
I hope you could value her, for what she was

Love you, Loved you, and will love you
I destroyed you and so do I myself
but everyone will suffer, I will make sure

thanks for what you have been to me
sorry for what I have been to you.

.........

I feel
emptiness of thoughts
hollowness of hearts

the others
studying emotions
make u fall for false notions

they just
pretending to be
saying 'Understand me'

asking me
where is my love for them
where is all that what they need
cant i just follow their never ending creed

how can i say it
how can they repay it
what losses they make
giving no time to remake

WTF
am I the one
nothing matters to none

I see time
ticking in rounds
making monotonous sounds

yet i follow

so hard to swallow

i hear voices 

left with no choices

pushing me to be believe
even making me conceive
that this is life, what i should follow
entertaining for them, but for me its hollow

What if i dont follow
neglecting the hollow
I will never be happy then, is that your point
Will be a loner just smoking a joint

Well I tell u what
its still better than the shit you give me
I will have something that is left in me

I may burn whatever I got
i will be happy, at least I fought
I will be happy fighting my way
making my own, my every day

Coz a fighter will fight
am not born for flight
Let me be
What I have to be

Let the fighter fight
for the hope of light
Let me see
What I have to see

-Devil

Chapter 1: I am good

First of all, you may notice a slight change in the intentions of content and my way of writing it. Well, I don't give a damn! You may choose to read or not to. "Freedom of choice to read" fundamental law which cannot be broken.

This is an odd way of starting the knowledge (but I think this is the key factor in determining your way of life. This is not something I have chosen to be a part of my original content but I am human. The way we know it: Human is a learning machine. And me, lets see

I am a learning "MACHINE".

Being a learning machine I thought this is important.

Everyone is good. At least, everyone is good in their own eyes. Few people realize they are bad. That is why I am attracted to the concept of Devil. "Yeah I m bad, so what", this comes to our mind when we think of concept of devil (or may be in my way of looking at it).

So what is good?? Ethics, righteousness, helping others, sacrifice, calmness, honesty, conscience.

Ha. . . its a really broad term. Subjective, subject to change.

So everyone is good. Look at yourself. You can only look with your own eyes. Do you something bad in you. The most answered answer to ourselves, "Yes, there are something things not good about me, but I am not bad at heart."

We have other variants as well, even more than i quote here.
"I am a little bad but only to those who are to me"
"'Good for good, bad for bad', that is my philosophy"

Lets take a third person view (if u can). What do all of these suggest. Well, can u digest, can you?

I may be bad but not that bad. Here there is an implicit meaning "like others".

:) All think the same. The best part is, no one thinks he falls in the category of "like others". I guess, I am the ONLY ONE.

Everyone has this thinking circuit. I call it "Self justification circuit". Its a circuit I am planning to code. May be this will make machine the "Mean Machine". This circuit has a excellent survival property, anytime it feels something is not done according to its definition of good it does one of the two things:

• Justify it with any possible accepted logic
• Associate the recipient of the action with some bad behavior and apply the theorem "Good for good, bad for bad"

Its just amazing how this circuit works. Without failure, it never hangs never gives wrong output just functions well. Its the most robust algorithm I have seen.I am a programmer, so I use this terminology. In a nutshell, it an error-free, robust mechanism. Skip the following section if u understand in what context I am talking about. To help I here have a very simple example

Here's how it works:

Case: You and your roommate (lets call him X, assuming both males) share a common washroom and a common time for office.

Scenario 1: You woke up and were in playful mood. You saw your friend going to washroom. You felt some naughtiness inside you and there you go at lightning speed to pick your towel and went dashing in the washroom just before (or moments before) X made it. X made few shouts, but you (with all naughtiness coming alive in you) laughed and said "Better luck next time, buddy"

Your thoughts: Wow! that was fun. At least we are understanding and i was just kidding.

X thoughts: He is just being funny. Anyways its OK. He understands that I understand.

Scenario 2: Days past. You had plans for tomorrow. There was important meet in office. You woke up to reach quickly. Your friend made the "Dashing entry". You made few shouts. But, you know what, one can not listen the wording in washroom. The only thing that comes in is someone shouting. Yes, of course, tap is on (in case you think: "I hear pretty well even there"). And when X comes out you share frown looks and silently go to respective workplace.

Your thoughts: What is this! I had to reach early. What the hell! everyone is not in playful mood all the time. I was shouting that I had a meet.  

X thoughts: What the f**k! He can do whatever. I was just being funny like he did. Now why is the face frown

Analysis: Well, this seldom occurs when both are males. To occur, there has to be some complexity in the scenario. I agree, the first sound from your head: "No, I wont do that. I know i joke with him so he did the same no problem in that". But, my dear reader, situations in life are not that simple its just analogy and I bet you can reduce a complex situation from your life and try to simplify it in the given problem. As a matter of self analysis try it out. Just try to remember a situation which had similar grounds and similar reaction from your side.

Now think of the solution: Most of us will say: Only do things which you can handle in return. Is that the problem? Is that the real solution. Its quite obvious, that if you had meet you will feel bad. And this doesn't mean you cant handle naughtiness of your friend.

So what is the solution? We already rejected that I wont kid anymore.

Why? Because we wont have fun of life. It will be too strict to live with. Then, "I wont mind if X does that". Really? Do you have that much in you? Do you have it in you what it requires? What if this was way important than presented in the scenario? What if it repeated itself more that you could count? Think over it

I know, the obvious question, what do I suggest. Do I have solution for it? Or am I just representing the problem rather then giving solution. Well I have but you should have the analytic ability to find it out from the following sections

End of section

Coming back from our example to "Self Justification Circuit".

Do you have this circuit in you. If you think you don't, quit reading right now. Because you are the one of the rarest, yet present in everyone, the near perfection person. Salute to you. Thanks for your time, reading till here.

So for the other people who agree they have this circuit (including me) we face two problems.

• How to detect this magnificent circuit
• How to override the "God damn! thing"

Honestly, so far only traces of both the solution has been found and they are to be customized to be useful for you. The core of the solution.

You have to override the circuit and don't let the circuit active even for a moment.

What it means? In context of the example, it means that one should have build the capability of letting the thing be fun even without knowing. Let me explain that this is not the same that you remember that you did the same thing and so you must not mind when it is done by someone else. That would be a temporary compromise not a permanent solution. What if the other one did it for first time before even you did anything like that? 

This solution requires two things: "Self Analysis Circuit" instead of "Self Justification Circuit" and the understanding between you two.

Both are really difficult and I wont feel any shame to tell that the solution has greater risks involved.

Now, comes the important question of HOW? This includes the solution for both problem of detecting and overriding the circuit. Well, right now, I have work to do and so I will put that in my next post.

What this knowledge intend to serve (contd...)

So Why?? ( Here I was.. ) refer to my previous post May 2009
Because it is not knowledge of water we attain. We just know the fact. What I distinguish here is the difference between a useful geometry box on your workbench than a fancy pattern making toy in your attic. As given by conan Doyle through his famous detective Sherlock Holmes.

In another case ,to give light on one more aspect, with knowledge of physical kinematics in which two balls collide and law of conservation of momentum is applicable. But if this is applied b y a novice on a snooker table fails!! Because the balls on snooker table do not collide elastically. This represents the lack of testing of knowledge for working conditions.

So what shall we do?? How to serve the knowlege??
I think like the way it is learnt. If you were gicen scenario to escape the steel laratory of antartica in a point-n-click game. After doing it you must have done the same in real scenario. And also you would become more probable to apply logic to break a glass bottle without mechanical force. Like in a puzzle of a glass bottle with narrow mouth, inside which is a ship constructed with delicate material. Now you have to break it without giving any shock to the bottle.
No prizes for correct answers!!!

This helps us show that knowledge is best attained in goal-oriented experiments, rather than any other text, audio or video format. Goal-oriented experiments differ from method oriented experiments.
(God!! I m tired of explaining everything but this is first nd last one to be so descriptive)
In method oriented experiment you follow a method. Like to measure the increase in volume while freezing water. I mean you are given a prescribed method. And that wont make u save yourself from lab pal!!

Goal-oriented situation are open ended and you may learn lot more. You are more probable to find better ways as mind tries to apply all it can ( skipping the Just Facts of course ).

To summarize we learn the best of knowledge when a need makes enough folds on our forehead and our brain thrives for every piece of information given. The more knowlegable the knowlege is the more easy is to find the results.

"Need is also the mother of all learning apart from Invention" - Devil (So need was pregnant twice)
That is why :

• Self-Helf books dont help much.
• Listening to a REVOLUTIONARY idea just makes our mood joyous that too for some days.

Now :

What I present here is just a guide to experimentation, understanding the truths that were in your mind switching to consious and unconsious forms. A way to decode the deception of this world. A way to erradicate those annoying happenings that dont allow you to do at your best. (Wow sounds as if I am marketing another self help book . . Anyways)

"Be what you want to be not what you are. " - Devil (Actually didnt like this quote myself)

No more fun. This one is written on serious note.. !!

If you walk through the fire I ignited to burn the illusions, doubts out of you. If you cross the Abyss and see the another interesting aspect of this world. Then you have to walk! no way round.

And the awaken you may answer these :

• Why Gods or Leaders in nearly every culture preached forgiveness and piece but killed deamons and declared war themselves?
• Why a gifted one generally have a misery associated ? Like Einstien, Leanardo Da Vinci etc.
• What is the need of religion (if u say for humanity and peace dont go further)? Why do a conqueror force convert people to their religion?

Now, there will be no more such descriptive text or spoon-feeding. I have given enough warnings to Roaches. If any of you get disturbed by reading whats coming next. Write hate mails to me, Curse me, Try to sue me .. I dont give a damm! May u rest in Peace.

Preface

Are We what we thought we would be?

In this world most of us ( that accounts for nearly 85%) are just ants and cockroaches. We do what is our basic instinct. We Survive and Replicate.These Roaches , what I call, are the basic form of humans. They are given basic pattern of a normal life which they follow either in the modified or perplexed form of responsibilities ( family or social) or they magnify their trivial issues of normal happenings in terms of disasters and achievements.

“Reality is abstraction of how we choose our words.” -Devil

Well to make them understand this. I am talking about the ones who are happy to have a settled life and cover their journey of life in terms of basics they need to fulfil.

Another 10% of those PompRoaches who like to talk about meaning and way of a higher life may read this for fun. I am talking about all those who have virtuality of higher thoughts by listening to a mahatma, saint, or Ideologists, but when turned in towards their life implement the opposite.

Trimming this for all still dumber Roaches ask Yourself the following questions:-

• Is society and your family a moral way of teachings that one must follow to be a good human?
• Do you follow your rituals as an integral part or your regular responsibilities? Such as prayers to God or asking your kiths and kins how they do.
• Is it your basic responsibility to go according to social norms and only then after, think of yourself or some experimentation with your life?
• Are you a vegetarian because you think its cruel to kill animals?
  

If yes, You are perfectly fine my Roach and need not read further. You may Go back to your Robotic meaningless life and forget this as a rude comment on your holy soul.

For others :
Who want to do something great and extraordinary in life and haven’t thought a way to do so.

• Do you believe you can achieve anything you want but often cant do anything much against the world?

You may also sit comfortably to Watch my views and impress your friends, or better do something else important that you may have and come back in your Timepass Timezone to read this.

Those who got the picture of what I am talking about may ignore this and return to their realm of comfort.

But Those who find themselves out of the categories mentioned above AND are unsatisfied with ‘Normality’ may read ahead to quench their thirst TO KNOW.

To KNOW AND ACT ACCORDINGLY IS PERFECTIONISM.
-Devil

This is for the rest 5% of us who are unsatisfied with these norms of ‘Jesus Life’.

Those who have tried various ways and sometimes lost in this materialistic world, to beat it in its own game and take charge, and are magnetically drawn to an dissatisfaction of Matrix Life around us.

Those who at intervals thrive for meaning of their existence in this Great Random Experiment of Earth to Rule out every stupid acts of Roaches. Those who feel a keen desire to question their own and others actions which are not understood.

For those who require a reason to act.

Welcome to the Keyhole of the Door to a meaningful, answerable, logical, difficult, ruthless, annoying, TRUE, Lawful, naked picture of the Realm of Reality we live in.

Here
TRUTH IS THE GREATEST DECEPTION.
With only one law
THE LAWS WITH EXCEPTIONS ARE NOT LAWS.

What this knowledge intend to Serve !!

"To the ones I ask." -Devil

Knowledge can only be attained. It cannot be passed by merely a word of mouth or through a written manuscript. Do you think its false? Thanks. If you have to reread to answer its ok. You just read it without analysing the aspects it covered. I will come back to it first I will go on.

Knowledge is something we have, deep within our soul. Many great thinkers saw the need to transfer it. Why? Because in absence of it everyone had to start anew. Language was invented in order to make it really long lasting. But written language has its drawbacks. Many new ideas were invented such as pictorial diagrams, examples, case studies. But do they survive the ultimate test to complete their objective?
I believe NO.

Think of this:
Nearly everyone of us knows water expands when turned to ice. Those who dont know may be careless enough not to notice bulging of ice cubes in refrigrator.

Now just Imagine you are gone to a nice holiday. (I will make things fast as I am not a author of a thriller.. though have some nice dreams and stories, anyway). You in your hotel on a morning bump into a rich VVIP and he was in a hurry. After he is gone you notice he dropped his tickets.. what a coincidence he is planning a vacation too. You out of honesty intend to return his tickets. The VVIP (lets say Mr. Richard) found you interesting as well as good at heart. He gives you an offer. Dont worry its not about your career boost but a vaccation with him - expenses paid. You as a go-getter plan to take the chance.

Antartica!! WOW . You see your fantasy come true. To a trip like this wasnt in your rarest dreams. Ice and snow thats all you can imagine with penguins playing in them along with you. After the night dreams you actuall reach there.

Chilled wind gushes, scrubbing your cheeks making the icy burning sensation. You out on a barren land, just make of snow, exploring like a bunch of scientist on an alien planet. Wearing the thick fur coat to keep yoursef warm. You take a sip out of you thermo-bottle to have warm water to gulp the reality around you.

In the middle of this exciting experience you notice a small steel structure a little away. A companion which was introduced as a guide tells you that it was reamins of the lab the first scientist who came here. " It was used to store samples of various bio-organisms collected here so it is just a 8-foot cube", he said.

"Whats in there", you think. Everyone is busy setting up a base camp. You out of curiosity move towards the lab to find out whats inside. the steel gate is heavy and is a feet covered with ice. You clear the ice with a shovel and open the gate. ....... .... .... Click .. .. .. . . the gate opens. Light slowly enters the unlively lab. You move inside and watch in amazement the snow layered utensils. A strong wind hustles in your ear..... Then the cranking sound of the steel door.
OOPS!! The steel door closed darkening the windowless chamber. You make your blind attempt to move towards the door. You feel the door now. You grab the handle ... its just turned. You again. But it seems locked !! it wasn't when you came in. Damn to technology now it requires a key to open?? What to do??

Apart from many answers like waiting for mates to find you out and shouting at your best. And also not forgetting to dig your way out through the chilling ice. The simple answer is to use water from your thermostat bottle in the hole of the lock. Use utensil to pour water really slow so that it freezes inside the lock and then expands to bread the lock. Now turn the handle, Give a good kick to the door, curse your curiosity and run like hell.

Now Slow down and realize that useful knowledge doesnt come just by reading. Many of us who know water expands on Freezing would not have tried the same in the panicking situation. Why??